responsibilities

in october i'm leaving the country. leaving my husband and baby behind. for kenya. most would furrow their brow and think if not say, that this is not very responsible of me. have i prayed about it? is this a wise decision? none of these thoughts or questions have been asked without myself first asking them. the answer is yes. resoundingly yes.

my husband and i have made it a priority to teach our daughter of the love the Father has for her. although she is only one, she knows much about love. she can even act out the motions to one of her favorite songs that sings, 'Jesus! he cares for me'.

for as much as i love my sweet girl, God loves her even more. he loves her more than i can imagine with a love that cost him his son. it is the same love he has for you. the same he has for the men and women filling our prisons. the same love he has for the children in africa. children without clean drinking water, without parents, without food enough to fill their bellies. without hope.

that i could steal just a week from my calendar to fly across the globe, give out a few stickers, hold a few hands, and kiss a few foreheads will not make any headlines. it's impact will be so minute compared to the millions in need across the sea. but oh, that it would be a fragrant offering to the One that beckons. and that he would change me into someone that resembles Him more through the process.

it is my responsibility. it is my desire. he has commanded us to go. whether that means out of state, out of country, or out of comfort zone. it is i who is to love you. love that sees you as better than myself, love that sacrifices my wants for others daily needs. it is i who through grace alone am hands and feet of a God who lives. for if not me, then whom? if not you, then whom? if not now, then when?

so, yes, i will leave a dearly loved baby girl safe with her daddy and family whom love her fiercely and will travel to towns where streets have no names. there, i will love-- love lavishly with my whole being so that someday even though bellies go empty and rain tarries someone's little girl might say, 'Jesus?! yes, he cares for me!'. for His glory.

i saw what i saw

africa

i've tried writing this post two or three times already and will surely hit the delete button a few more times before sleep finds me tonight. my head is just swimming and my heart, it yearns. filled with excitement and something else i can't quite put my finger on. i'm trading this continent for another in a month or so. completely thrilled and uncertain of all that kenya contains. but it's less about what kenya has and more about what He does. less about safari, more about sacrifice-- not my own, mind you, but theirs. and His. to minister to the mom who goes without so her children may eat. to join Jesus in loving his people.

i've been reading the bible, words spoken by God himself and found myself identifying more with pharisees than followers of the Way. something about being hearers of the Word and not doers. don't misread me--there's nothing glorious about spending one week of a lifetime along dirt roads in africa--i don't intend that every christian american needs to make a trek to the bush. but what would happen if we all just allowed Holy Scripture to affect our lives more than just perfect attendance at church on sundays? what if it really moved us?

::what does it mean to seek justice for you? (micah 6:8)

::when Jesus reveals the second greatest commandment, who exactly is our neighbor? how are ways that you show that love? (matthew 22:39)

::Matthew 25:34+ says, "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.' The the righteous will answer him, saying ' Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you? And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.' (emphasis, my own) do you even know anyone that is truly in need? to think that the first fulfillment of this passage that came to my mind was the bag of torn and stained clothing that i donated to goodwill this year. this is what i'm offering to God??

::lastly, are you giving according to what has been entrusted to you? (luke 12)

there are so many more questions to ask, and these i ask myself before others. i don't do a good enough job. there is more for me to be faithful with, more ways to show love and fulfill the commands left. but for now, lasik will wait until hunger is gone, we'll go out of our way to build a relationship with the man across the street, and i'll fly to kenya to leave a part of my heart there and bring back a vision of more that is to be done. for His glory.

summer nights

h playing with salt dough and eating blueberries while we make pizzas and blueberry muffins

there's a lollipop in between the couch cushions. dvd's strewn across the floor. and flour in both our hair. it's been a good day.